open heart surgery

i'm really tired - mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. the weekend in jerusalem was intense. hours after arriving i went to the prayer tower... walked up 14 flights of stairs cause you know i don't ride elevators (or maybe you didnt know that)... and soaked in the presence of God for 2 hrs. ever since coming here, when i'm in His presence all i can do is weep. seems like He's drawing it out of me. from the depths. as deep calls unto deep.

a team from bethel was here too, ministering and touring around. i met some folks from the supernatural school of ministry thursday evening at a church right outside the old city. the view was amazing. one of the guys on the team reminded me so much of Cody. i came undone. i couldn't even sit in the same room with him. after pulling it together, i went back inside but sat way in the back just to make sure i couldnt see this guy. one of the other guys from the team goes to the microphone and started sharing about how God had given him this prophetic picture the night before but he didn't know who it was for. "tonight i know", he said and pointed to a girl on the back. ME! oh great!

i mosied to the front while he explained this sweet picture that God had given him just for me and what it meant. somethings are meant just for me, so i won't go into much detail. afterwards, one of the girls on the team said she had a song for me. she got up and just started freestylin this beautiful prophetic song. honestly, i cant remember now what she said.. unfortunately.. but at the time, it ministered deeply to my spirit. God knows.

before coming to Israel, God promised that He would comfort me here as a child is comforted by its mother. Isaiah 66:13. He is doing just that and much more.

i felt like i went thru heart surgery this past weekend. in a way, it feels like i've taken a lot of steps backwards. the wound is open and fresh again. but it's ok, i think, because in order to be cleansed and healed, it has to be open. no matter how painful at the time. it's necessary to heal and move forward.

last night i visited one of the churches in the city and experienced the presence of God in such a powerful way. wow! i couldn't even stand up during worship. my legs were weak and His glory was all around. the worship team sang the very same song that i played at Cody's memorial. imagine that! what are the chances??! yes, i came undone all over again...

i'm still processing.

on another note, i'm back in my beloved palestine and i love it. i really missed these people and i was only gone for 4 days. it's good to be "home" though. hey, home is where the heart is and my heart is deifnitely here in palestine with these amazing people. i love the children of Ishmael!