speechless

yesterday my friend, Brent, asked me how God had helped me in this season.

my mind raced as i tried to describe in words how He has been there. i thought back to all the sleepless nights, the waves of grief and emotions, the loneliness, the intense longing for my best friend and lover, and the list goes on.

even today, as i sit here starring out over the mountains, i have no words. there aren't any. the dictionary doesn't contain one single word that is capable of fully capturing who God is and who He has been in this season. i am speechless.

He has walked with me, comforted me, graciously lavished His love on me, extended His peace, held me up, and that list goes on too.

God is proving to be more beautiful and wonderful than i ever imagined. sometimes i feel like im just meeting Him for the first time, although i've been a believer for almost 10 yrs. so much of what was just in my head is now in my heart. i dont know how He does it. its a great mystery how He can use something so ridiculously hard and outrageously painful to draw me deeper into His heart. He is near. so much more near than i ever thought possible.

i desire to follow Him, to really follow. fully and wholeheartedly. to be His shadow, a mirror image of Him. to declare among the nations that the Lord has done great things.