random ramblin's

So I had a pretty uneventful day. Basically, I wake up every morning around 10 or 11 (praise God for sleep)... fumble around for a good daily dose of "Grieving the Loss of Someone You Love" by Raymond Mitsch, which is amazing by the way. Thank you, Ann! It's good to know I'm not the only one... and I'm not going crazy! And then I make a cup of tea and go sit on the porch to enjoy the late morning sun and cool, crisp air. I love fall on the mountain!

On monday, 3 people called to wish me a Happy Anniversary and my sweet mom brought me flowers. I stop to smell them many times throughout the day. I never really loved flowers until Cody started bringing them to me every morning in Hawai'i. Well, honestly, he could've brought me a wet paper bag and I would've loved it.. haha!

I had a dream about him 2 nights ago. The only thing I remember is that he was wearing a brown shirt, he had hair again and a beard and he was laughing. It actually startled me and I woke up in a panic.

A couple weeks ago, I thought I heard someone in my room. So I went to look, fully expecting to see Cody. But when I opened the door, no one was there. I went over to the jar that holds Cody's ashes just to make sure he wasn't resurrected and trying to get out. So I loosened the lid... just incase.

One thing I'm quickly learning is that grief is so strange! It can make you think, feel, and do some weird stuff. This is a whole new experience for me. I've never been down this road before so I didn't know what to expect, still don't. Each day is different. Each minute is different.

Anyway, tomorrow is Cody's memorial / celebration here in North Carolina... and I'm not really looking forward to it. I'm a lot more aware this time around. So please pray for me if you think of it.

Goodnight.